【随笔】我的好朋友随笔400字：陪孩子交朋友

儿子带回一个新朋友

儿子三年级上学期的一个周三，进门就喊：妈，我有个新朋友，叫毛豆。我说毛豆是哪家的。他说不是花生毛豆的毛豆，是他外号，他本名叫曹宇，因为他长得小，一蹦一跳像颗豆子滚过来滚过去。他说这话的时候鞋都没换，书包还挂在身前，像抱着一个刚捡回来的宝贝。

周末，毛豆真的来了。按儿子的说法，是我邀请的，其实不过是他在门口大声说周六你来我家嘛，声音大得对门都听见，人家妈妈就领着来了。两个小孩一进门直奔阳台，把攒了两年的积木全倒出来，头也不回。我在客厅择菜，听见阳台上叽叽喳喳，一会儿商量，一会儿争执，声音忽高忽低。

出事是在四十分钟后。阳台忽然安静了，安静得不对劲。我过去看，两个人背对背坐着，谁也不理谁。起因是搭到一半的塔该由谁来放顶上那块。儿子说我先搭的，毛豆说塔尖是他设计的。我在门口站了两秒，忍住了没劝。两个人僵了大概五分钟，毛豆忽然拿起一块长条积木递过去，说，给你，这个当旗杆。儿子接了，塔就继续搭了。一搭完，两个人趴在地上看塔，脑袋挨着脑袋。

走的时候，毛豆把一小截铅笔留在我们家，儿子追到楼道还回去，回来手里多了一颗玻璃弹珠，举起来冲我晃，像得了什么了不得的战利品。晚上他睡觉前问我：妈，毛豆明天还来吗。我说我不知道，你得问他。他说，那我明天早上问他。

我在门外站了一会儿。交朋友这件事，我们插不上手，也替不了。他能自己把人请回家，自己吵架，自己和好，自己留一颗弹珠当凭据，这已经比我们会来事多了。大人能做的，顶多是把果盘放在他们够得着的地方，然后把门带上。孩子的友谊来得快，去得也快，可每一段都作数。我只盼他往后记得：把长条积木递出去的那五分钟沉默里，他学会了什么，毛豆也学会了什么。

My Son Brought Home a New Friend

One Wednesday in the first term of grade three, my son came through the door shouting: Mom, I have a new friend called Maodou. I asked whose son Maodou was. He said not the bean kind, it is a nickname; his real name is Cao Yu, and because he is small and bounces everywhere, he looks like a bean rolling this way and that. He said all this without changing his shoes, schoolbag still slung in front of him, like a man carrying home a treasure he had just picked up.

On the weekend Maodou actually came. According to my son I had invited him; in truth my son had simply said loudly at the door, come to my house Saturday, loud enough for the family across the hall to hear, and the boy's mother brought him over. The two made straight for the balcony and dumped out two years of building blocks without looking back. I sat in the living room snapping green beans, listening to the chatter on the balcony, now planning, now arguing, voices rising and falling.

The trouble came forty minutes later. The balcony went suddenly quiet, the wrong kind of quiet. I went over and found them sitting back to back, refusing each other. The cause: who gets to place the final piece on the half-built tower. My son said he built it first; Maodou said he designed the spire. I stood in the doorway two seconds and stopped myself from intervening. They stayed frozen about five minutes, then Maodou suddenly picked up a long block and held it over, saying: here, use this as the flagpole. My son took it, and the tower went on. When it was finished, both lay on the floor studying it, heads touching.

When it was time to go, Maodou left a stub of pencil behind, and my son chased him into the stairwell to return it, and came back holding a glass marble, waving it at me like a great trophy. Before sleep he asked: Mom, will Maodou come again tomorrow? I said I do not know, you have to ask him. He said: then I will ask him in the morning.

I stood outside his door a while. Making friends is something we cannot step into and cannot do for him. He invited a boy home himself, quarreled himself, made up himself, and kept a marble as proof of the peace. That is more capable than we give him credit for. All a grown-up can do is keep the fruit plate within reach and close the door behind them. Children's friendships come fast and go fast, but every one of them counts. I only hope he remembers, in years to come, what he learned in those five silent minutes before the long block was handed over, and what Maodou learned too.

教室窗边，我看他们交朋友

教了十几年书，我越来越相信一件事：孩子的朋友，不是老师安排的，是他们自己吵出来的。这话是我从班里两个小孩身上学的。

四年级接班第一周，我排座位，把陈朵和许小航放在了一起。一个是我眼里的麻烦：陈朵嘴快，谁碰她的东西她能告到放学；许小航手欠，橡皮铅笔借出去十有八九不还。我把两人放一起，说实话，是图省事，想让嘴快的治住手欠的。

头两个星期，同桌俩的桌面上有一条铅笔画的三八线，越界的东西一律被推回去。许小航的尺子过界，被陈朵推回来三次。我在讲台上看着，没管。第三周周一，陈朵在周记里写：老师，许小航总拿我东西。我回她：他拿了什么，你当时怎么做的？她周二补了一段，说那天她没告状，自己把尺子从他手里抽回来了，还说抽回来以后他愣了一下，说了对不起。我在本子上回：你自己解决了，很好。

变化是从借东西开始的。十月底，许小航没带水彩笔，陈朵把自己的推过去一半，推过三八线推到了他那边。我没声张。十一月中旬，两人共用一个笔袋了，三八线的铅笔印还留在桌上，只是没人再看。十二月班里排课本剧，两人一组，他俩自己报的，一个演树一个演树下的兔子，排练时还是吵，吵谁的动作挡了谁，正式演完，台下笑，两人在台上互相看了一眼，那一眼我看见了，是只有同伙之间才有的那种。

期末家长会上，陈朵妈妈问我：老师，你什么时候发现他俩好的？我想了想说：我没发现，是他们自己好的。我做过的最对的事，就是把他们放在一起，然后忍住不出面。孩子交朋友，大人插一手，友谊就变成任务；退开一步，他们自己会把矛盾一件件消化掉，消化完了，交情也就长出来了。那条三八线，我至今没让他们擦，留着挺好，像两个小孩友谊的奠基碑。

From the Classroom Window, Watching Them Make Friends

After more than ten years of teaching, I believe one thing more and more: children's friends are not arranged by teachers, they are argued into existence. I learned that from two of my pupils.

In the first week of taking over the fourth grade class, I arranged seats and put Chen Duo and Xu Xiaohang together. In my eyes both were trouble: Chen Duo had a quick tongue and could report anyone who touched her things until the end of the day; Xu Xiaohang had grabby hands, and pencils and erasers he borrowed were nine times out of ten never returned. Putting them together was, honestly, a shortcut: let the quick tongue tame the grabby hands.

For the first two weeks a pencil line ran down the middle of their desk, and anything crossing it was pushed back. Xu Xiaohang's ruler crossed the line and Chen Duo pushed it back three times. I watched from the podium and did nothing. On the Monday of the third week, Chen Duo wrote in her weekly journal: Teacher, Xu Xiaohang always takes my things. I wrote back: What did he take, and what did you do at the time? On Tuesday she added a paragraph: that day she did not tattle; she pulled the ruler out of his hand herself, and after she pulled it back he froze for a moment and said sorry. I wrote in the margin: You solved it yourself. Well done.

The change began with borrowing. In late October Xu Xiaohang forgot his watercolors, and Chen Duo pushed her own box halfway over, across the border line, all the way to his side. I said nothing. By mid-November they shared one pencil case. The pencil border was still on the desk; nobody looked at it anymore. In December the class staged textbook plays in pairs, and the two of them signed up together, one playing a tree, one the rabbit under the tree. They still quarreled in rehearsal, over whose movements blocked whose. When the performance ended and the audience laughed, they glanced at each other on stage. I saw that glance. It was the kind only accomplices share.

At the end-of-term parents' meeting, Chen Duo's mother asked: Teacher, when did you notice the two of them became close? I thought a moment and said: I never noticed. They became close by themselves. The best thing I did was put them together and then keep my hands off. When adults interfere, a child's friendship turns into an assignment; step back one pace, and children digest their conflicts one by one, and once the digesting is done, the bond has grown. I have never let them erase that pencil line. It is good to keep, like a foundation stone of two children's friendship.