【教案】我学会了游泳教案设计：叙事作文指导课

我学会了游泳叙事作文指导课教案：教学目标、流程与板书设计

教学目标定三条。一、能按事情发展的顺序把学游泳的过程写清楚，会用「一开始、谁知道、后来、最后」这类连接词。二、通过拆解范文，学会用动作和身体反应写心理变化，而不是只喊「我很害怕」。三、愿意写自己学本领的真实经历，当堂完成一段八十至一百五十字的片段。

重点：按事情发展顺序组织材料，把下水、练腿、呛水、放手游四个阶段写完整。难点：把心理变化写具体。学生习惯用形容词交差，突破办法是要求把「害怕」换成「手怎么抓池边、屏住呼吸多久」这类看得见的动作。

环节一，话题导入，三分钟。教师提问：谁学会了游泳？先学的是哪种泳姿？从哪一步开始学的？学生自由回答，教师在黑板左上写三个词：呛水、害怕、高兴。导入语一句话点题：每个人都有学本领的经历，这段经历就是今天作文的材料。

环节二，范文引路，十五分钟。投影同龄范文《我学会了游泳》，约四百字。第一遍读，学生划出表示事情先后顺序的句子；第二遍读，圈出写心理变化的词语。教师把范文的顺序画成流程图写在黑板左侧：扶池边练腿、把脸埋进水里呛水、教练托着腰、放手浮起来。右侧按顺序写学生圈出的心理词，排成一级一级心理梯。教师追问：哪句话让你最感觉到他害怕？学生指向「水从鼻子嘴巴里灌进来，整个泳池像整个翻了过来」。

环节三，当堂片段练笔，十五分钟。题目：第一次把脸埋进水里的那一刻。两条硬要求：至少用一个先后连接词；写一句心理描写，且这句里不许出现「害怕、紧张、高兴」三个词，要用动作或身体反应来表达。教师巡视，记下写得合格的同学和有典型问题的同学，为讲评准备材料。

环节四，分享讲评，五分钟。投影一篇合格片段和一篇有问题片段，对照两条硬要求逐条评，学生当场提一条修改建议。

板书设计：左侧画事情发展顺序流程图，四个方框用箭头连接；右侧写心理梯，从下到上依次是紧张、害怕、想放弃、高兴；中间上方写课题「我学会了一项新本领」。作业：把片段扩写成一四百字左右的完整作文，要求在「想放弃」处再加一句心理描写。

A Narrative Writing Lesson Plan for I Learned to Swim: Goals, Steps and Board Design

Set three teaching goals. One: write the process of learning to swim clearly in the order events happened, using linkers like at first, unexpectedly, later, and finally. Two: through taking the model essay apart, learn to show feelings with actions and body reactions instead of shouting I am scared. Three: be willing to write a real experience of learning a skill, and finish an eighty to one hundred and fifty word paragraph in class.

The key point: organize material in the order events developed, covering the four stages of getting in the water, kicking drills, choking, and floating alone. The hard part: making feelings concrete. Students finish with adjectives, so the fix is to require replacing scared with visible actions like how the hands gripped the pool edge or how long the breath was held.

Segment one, topic lead-in, three minutes. Ask: who learned to swim? Which stroke came first? Which step did you start with? Students answer freely, and the teacher writes three words at the upper left of the board: choking, fear, joy. One sentence ties it together: everyone has an experience of learning something, and that experience is the material for today.

Segment two, model essay guidance, fifteen minutes. Project a peer model essay of about four hundred words. First reading: students underline sentences that show the order of events. Second reading: they circle words that show feelings. The teacher draws the order as a flow chart on the left of the board: holding the edge and kicking, burying the face and choking, the coach holding the waist, floating alone. On the right, the circled feeling words go in order like steps of a ladder. The follow-up question: which sentence made you feel his fear most? Students point to water pouring in through nose and mouth, the whole pool like it flipped over.

Segment three, in-class paragraph drill, fifteen minutes. Topic: the moment you first buried your face in water. Two hard rules: use at least one order linker; write one sentence of feeling without using the words scared, nervous, or happy, expressing it through action or body reaction instead. The teacher walks around, noting students who meet the rules and students with typical problems, preparing material for feedback.

Segment four, sharing and feedback, five minutes. Project one passing paragraph and one with problems, check them against the two hard rules one by one, and let students offer one revision suggestion on the spot.

Board design: on the left, a flow chart of the order of events, four boxes joined by arrows; on the right, a feeling ladder written bottom up: nervous, afraid, wanting to quit, glad; at the top center, the lesson title I Learned a New Skill. Homework: expand the paragraph into a full composition of about four hundred words, adding one more feeling sentence at the wanting-to-quit point.

范文引路怎么讲：一篇学游泳范文的逐段拆解

范文引路不是「读一篇好文章然后开始写」，而是把范文拆成学生明天自己写作时能复用的零件。下面用一篇四段范文示范怎么拆。

第一段：「暑假第一天，我站在泳池边，脚趾抠着瓷砖，死活不肯下水。」拆解提问：这一段没有写害怕两个字，你从哪个词看出来的？学生答「抠」。追问：换成「我很害怕地站在池边」哪个好？为什么？这一问直接立起本课的核心标准：用动作写心理。

第二段：先练腿、再把脸埋进水里、呛了第一口水。拆解提问：这三件事能换顺序吗？有学生说可以先呛水再练腿，教师引导：没练腿就埋脸，呛得更惨，顺序本身就是事情发展的道理。顺势在黑板画流程图，这就是板书左侧的由来。

第三段：教练托着腰游了十米，一回头教练早松了手，「我居然自己浮着」。拆解提问：这一段最妙的是哪个词？学生多半指「居然」。追问：这个词为什么妙？因为它把「一直以为有人在托着」和「发现没有」两个瞬间装进了一个词，心理变化不用解释，读者自己撞上了。这一段是心理梯从「想放弃」爬到「高兴」的台阶。

第四段：结尾只有一句，「后来我游过整个泳池，但最记得的还是呛进去的第一口水。」拆解提问：为什么不写「我终于学会了游泳真高兴」？引导学生发现：结尾回扣第一段呛水的细节，文章就闭环了，喊口号的结尾谁都会写，回扣的细节才是自己的。

范文有两处要提前替换，防止全班照搬：把「泳池」换成学生本地熟悉的场景词，把「教练」换成学生自己的教法来源，比如爸爸或培训班。布置练笔时明确：只借范文的「顺序加动作写心理」两个零件，内容必须换成自己的经历，雷同的两篇当堂换题。

拆完范文，黑板上留下两样东西：左边的流程图，右边的心理梯。练笔时不要求背范文，只要求对照这两样东西自查：顺序完整吗？心理那句有动作吗？这就是范文引路的全部落点。

How to Teach With a Model Essay: Taking One Swimming Essay Apart Paragraph by Paragraph

Model essay guidance is not read a good piece then start writing. It is taking the model apart into parts students can reuse tomorrow on their own. Here is how to take apart a four-paragraph model.

Paragraph one: on the first day of summer vacation I stood at the pool edge, toes gripping the tiles, refusing to get in. The breakdown question: this paragraph never writes the word fear, which word shows it? Students answer gripping. Follow-up: is it better to say I stood there very afraid, and why? This single question sets the core standard of the lesson: show feelings with actions.

Paragraph two: first kicking drills, then burying the face, then the first choke of water. The question: can these three swap order? Some say choke first then kick. The teacher guides: burying the face without kicking drills means choking worse, and the order itself is the logic of how events develop. The flow chart on the left of the board comes from here.

Paragraph three: the coach held my waist for ten meters, and when I looked back his hands were long gone, I was floating by myself, unbelievably. The question: which word is best here? Most point to unbelievably. Follow-up: why? Because it packs two moments, always believing someone held me and discovering nobody did, into one word. The feeling needs no explanation, the reader runs into it. This paragraph is the step from wanting to quit up to glad on the feeling ladder.

Paragraph four: the ending is one sentence, later I swam the whole pool, but what I remember best is still the first mouthful of water. The question: why not write I finally learned to swim and I am so happy? Guide students to see that an ending returning to the choking detail of paragraph one closes the loop; slogan endings anyone can write, returned details are yours alone.

Replace two things in the model in advance so nobody copies it whole: swap pool for a place students know locally, and swap coach for their own source of teaching, a parent or a class. When assigning the drill, state clearly: borrow only the two parts, the order and actions-showing-feelings, content must be your own experience, and two look-alike pieces get a new topic on the spot.

After the breakdown, two things stay on the board: the flow chart on the left, the feeling ladder on the right. The drill does not require memorizing the model, only self-checking against these two: is the order complete? Does the feeling sentence have an action in it? That is the whole landing point of model essay guidance.