三年级作文《我的老师》怎么写:四步写出温柔耐心的数学老师
三年级写《我的老师》,很多同学第一句就是“我的老师非常好,又温柔又耐心”。这句话谁都能写,后面就容易没话说了。写好这篇作文,可以按四步来。
第一步,只选一个特点。老师身上可以写的东西很多:严厉、幽默、写字好看、跑步快。题目要求写温柔耐心,就抓住“耐心”这一个词,其他特点全部放下。一篇三百字的作文塞不进两个特点,塞进去哪个都写不深。
第二步,挑三个场景。什么叫场景?就是有时间、有地点、有动作的一件小事。写数学老师,可以用这三个:黑板上画线段图、课桌旁弯腰讲题、放学时递来一颗糖。三个场景要不一样:一个在黑板前,一个在座位边,一个在放学路上;一个写老师怎么教,一个写老师怎么关心人,一个写老师的小动作。场景选好了,作文就不会空。
第三步,写出“变”。全文要有一个变化:从怕数学到爱数学。开头写怕在哪里,比如“应用题像一团乱麻,我怎么也理不清”;中间三个场景就是变化的原因;结尾写现在的样子,比如“现在遇到不会的题,我会主动举手问”。有了这个“变”,三个场景才串成一条线。
第四步,语言朴实。少用形容词,多用动词和对话。“老师耐心地给我讲解”是空话,“老师弯下腰,指着本子上的第二行问我:‘这一步你是怎么想的?’”才是文章。写完读一遍,把“非常”“十分”“特别”圈出来,一个段落里出现两个,就删掉一个。
按这四步列提纲:开头两句话写怕数学,中间三段各写一个场景,结尾两句话写变化。照着提纲写,三百字很好凑满,而且每句话都有内容。
How to Write a Third-Grade Essay About My Teacher: Four Steps to Portray a Patient Math Teacher
When third-graders write an essay called My Teacher, many start with "My teacher is very nice, gentle and patient." Anyone can write that sentence, and then the rest of the essay easily runs dry. A good way to write this essay is to follow four steps.
Step one: pick only one quality. A teacher can be described in many ways: strict, funny, neat handwriting, fast running. If the topic asks for gentleness and patience, hold on to the single word "patient" and drop everything else. A three-hundred-word essay cannot fit two qualities; force them in and neither one goes deep.
Step two: choose three scenes. What is a scene? A small event with a time, a place, and actions. For a math teacher, try these three: drawing a line diagram on the blackboard, bending down beside a desk to explain a problem, and handing over a piece of candy after school. The three scenes should differ: one at the blackboard, one at the seat, one on the way home; one shows how the teacher teaches, one shows how the teacher cares, one shows a small gesture. With good scenes, the essay will not be empty.
Step three: show the change. The essay needs one turn: from fearing math to loving math. At the beginning, say what the fear feels like, for example "word problems were a tangled ball of yarn I could never sort out"; the three middle scenes explain the change; the ending shows the present self, for example "now when I meet a problem I cannot solve, I raise my hand first." With this turn, the three scenes string together into one line.
Step four: keep the language plain. Use fewer adjectives and more verbs and dialogue. "The teacher explained patiently" is empty; "The teacher bent down, pointed at the second line in my notebook and asked, how did you think of this step?" is writing. After finishing, read the essay once, circle every "very" and "extremely", and if a paragraph has two, delete one.
Build an outline from the four steps: two opening sentences about fearing math, three middle paragraphs with one scene each, two closing sentences about the change. Follow the outline, and three hundred words fill up easily, with content in every sentence.
《我的老师》范文与逐段点评:温柔耐心的数学老师
先读一篇约三百字的范文,题目叫《我的数学老师》,然后一段一段看它好在哪里、还能改什么。
范文开头:“我的数学老师姓周,短头发,声音不大。以前我最怕数学课,应用题像一团乱麻,我怎么也理不清。”点评:第一句直接介绍老师,没有“我的老师像春蚕、像蜡烛”这类套话;“声音不大”是个有用的细节,人物一下有了辨识度。第二句交代怕数学,为全文的变化埋下起点。
范文第二段:“有一次,我的作业两道应用题全错了。周老师没有批评我,把我叫到黑板前,拿起粉笔画了一条长长的线段,把题目里的条件一段一段标上去,边画边问我:‘你把哪一步看错了?’我看着线段,一下子就明白了。”点评:这是线段图场景。亮点在动作拆开写——画、标、问,三个动作连成一串,还有一句老师的话。写老师讲题,最怕笼统写成“老师耐心地给我讲了一遍又一遍”,范文避开了这个毛病。
范文第三段:“还有一次上课,我趴在桌上发呆。周老师走到我课桌旁边,弯下腰,轻声问我是不是没吃早饭。”点评:“弯下腰”“轻声”两个细节就是温柔本身,全文没有出现“温柔”这个词,但读者能感觉到。可以想一想:如果换成“周老师很温柔地关心我”,这一段还剩什么?答案是什么都不剩。
范文第四段:“那天放学,周老师叫住我,从口袋里掏出一颗橘子糖递给我,说:‘上课要专心,肚子饿要提前吃饭。’”点评:递糖是三个场景里最小的一件事,放在放学这个时间点上有味道。老师的话只有一句,没有大道理。假如老师在这里讲一大段道理,作文会变成什么样?大概会变成讲话稿。
范文结尾:“现在我最喜欢数学课,遇到不会的题,我会主动举手问。我觉得数学没那么可怕,因为周老师讲题的时候总是很有耐心。”点评:“主动举手”是具体行为,比“我从此爱上了数学”可信。可改进的地方:最后一句前可以再加一个现在的表现,比如“上次数学测验,我把最后一道应用题也做出来了”,让变化更实在。
整篇范文的骨架就是:怕数学—线段图—弯腰讲题—递糖—爱上数学。自己写的时候,把周老师换成自己的老师,把线段图换成你真实见过的事,骨架照样成立。
A Model Essay and Paragraph-by-Paragraph Commentary: My Patient Math Teacher
First read a model essay of about three hundred words titled My Math Teacher, then look at it paragraph by paragraph to see what works and what could still be improved.
The opening reads: "My math teacher is named Zhou. She has short hair and a quiet voice. I used to dread math class. Word problems were a tangled ball of yarn I could never sort out." Commentary: the first sentence introduces the teacher directly, with no stock lines like "my teacher is like a silkworm or a candle"; "a quiet voice" is a useful detail that makes the person recognizable at once. The second sentence states the fear of math, planting the starting point of the change.
The second paragraph reads: "Once I got two word problems wrong in my homework. Teacher Zhou did not scold me. She called me to the blackboard, took a piece of chalk, drew a long line segment, and marked the conditions of the problem onto it one by one, asking as she drew: which step did you read wrong? Looking at the line, I understood right away." Commentary: this is the line-diagram scene. The strength is the actions broken apart: drew, marked, asked, three actions in a chain, plus one line of the teacher's speech. When writing about a teacher explaining a problem, the worst habit is vaguely saying "the teacher explained patiently again and again", and the model essay avoids it.
The third paragraph reads: "Another time in class, I was resting my head on the desk, daydreaming. Teacher Zhou walked over to my desk, bent down, and asked in a low voice whether I had skipped breakfast." Commentary: "bent down" and "in a low voice" are gentleness itself. The word "gentle" never appears, yet the reader feels it. Ask yourself: if it were replaced with "Teacher Zhou cared for me gently", what would be left of the paragraph? Nothing.
The fourth paragraph reads: "That day after school, Teacher Zhou called me back, took an orange candy out of her pocket and handed it to me, saying: pay attention in class, and eat on time when you are hungry." Commentary: the candy is the smallest of the three scenes, and placing it at dismissal gives it flavor. The teacher says only one line, no lecture. Consider: if the teacher delivered a long moral speech here, what would the essay become? Probably a transcript.
The ending reads: "Now math is my favorite class. When I meet a problem I cannot solve, I raise my hand first. I no longer find math scary, because Teacher Zhou is always patient when she explains." Commentary: "raise my hand first" is concrete behavior, more believable than "from then on I fell in love with math". One place to improve: add one more present-tense detail before the last line, such as "in the last math test I even solved the final word problem", to make the change more solid.
The skeleton of the whole essay is: fear of math, the line diagram, bending down to explain, the candy, loving math. When you write your own, swap Teacher Zhou for your teacher and swap the line diagram for something you really saw; the skeleton still holds.
小提示:上面此文档内容仅展示完整文档里的部分内容, 若需要下载完整文档请 点击免费下载完整文档 。




