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那句咽回去的谢谢
十月十八日，星期二，晴。
今天放学早，我推开阳台门，看见妈妈蹲在洗衣盆前面搓我的校服。袖子上那块蓝墨水，是上周三上美术课甩上去的，我以为她早忘了。她拿刷子一下一下地刷，刷完抹点肥皂再搓，搓出好多白泡泡。她的膝盖压在凉垫上，我听见她轻轻“哎哟”了一声，直起腰，用手背捶了两下，又蹲下去接着搓。
我站在门口没出声。忽然有一句话从心里冒出来，就是“谢谢妈妈”这四个字。它到了我嘴边，我又把它咽回去了。都五年级了，跟妈妈说谢谢，怪不好意思的，同学听见要笑话的。我悄悄退回房间，假装在写作业。
可是那句话咽回去以后，一直在心里转。我写作业的时候想它，刷牙的时候也想它。后来我翻开数学本的扉页，在上面写：妈妈，谢谢你给我刷掉袖子上的蓝墨水。这句话我写了三遍，第一遍写歪了，撕了；第二遍太小气，又撕了；第三遍写得大大的。
下午我还发现一件事。妈妈晾衣裳的竹竿头上缠着一圈布条，是我三年级那年竿头裂了，爸爸来不及修，妈妈自己缠的，缠完还拿牙咬断线头。三年了，竹竿换过一根，布条是她一直留着没拆。她干活的家伙什，全是凑合着用，给我买东西的时候从来不凑合。
吃晚饭的时候，我把数学本推到妈妈那边，让她看扉页。她看完没说话，拿袖子擦了擦眼睛，然后笑了一下，说：“谢谢收到啦。”她把那一页撕下来，用磁铁贴在冰箱上，贴在我上次得的小红星旁边。我在房间里听见她跟爸爸打电话，声音有点哑，说闺女给她写了句话。原来把谢谢说出来，一点都不难，难的是咽回去的那一下。
今天这个日记，我要把它锁在抽屉里。可是冰箱上那一页，谁都能看见。
The Thank You I Swallowed Back
October 18th, Tuesday, sunny.
School let out early today. I pushed open the balcony door and saw Mother squatting by the washbasin, scrubbing my school uniform. The blue ink stain on the sleeve came from art class last Wednesday; I thought she had forgotten it. She brushed it stroke by stroke, rubbed on soap, scrubbed again, and white foam piled up. Her knees pressed on the thin mat. I heard her soft grunt as she straightened up, pounded her back twice with the back of her hand, then squatted down to keep scrubbing.
I stood in the doorway without a sound. Suddenly a sentence rose in my heart: thank you, Mom. It reached my lips, and I swallowed it back. I am in fifth grade now; saying thanks to Mom feels embarrassing, and classmates would tease me if they heard. I tiptoed back to my room and pretended to do homework.
But after swallowing it, the sentence kept circling inside me. I thought about it while writing homework and while brushing my teeth. Then I opened the first page of my math notebook and wrote: Mom, thank you for brushing the blue ink off my sleeve. I wrote it three times. The first attempt came out crooked, so I tore it up. The second looked too stingy, torn again. The third I wrote big.
This afternoon I noticed one more thing. The tip of the bamboo pole Mother uses for hanging laundry is wrapped with a strip of cloth. In third grade the pole cracked, Father had no time to fix it, and Mother wrapped it herself, biting the thread off with her teeth. Three years passed, the pole was replaced once, but she never unwrapped that cloth strip. Every tool she works with is make-do, yet when buying things for me she never makes do.
At dinner I pushed the notebook toward Mother so she could see the page. After reading, she said nothing, wiped her eyes with her sleeve, then smiled and said, thank you received. She tore the page out and stuck it on the fridge with a magnet, next to the red star I earned last month. From my room I heard her call Father, her voice a little hoarse, saying our daughter wrote her a sentence. Saying thank you turns out to be easy. The hard part is the moment you swallow it back.
I will keep this diary locked in my drawer. But the page on the fridge, everyone can see it.
感恩作业连做三天
十一月三日，星期四，阴转小雨。
今天老师布置了一项奇怪的作业：回家对妈妈说一声谢谢，连做三天，把每天的情况写进日记。我在心里嘀咕，这有什么难的。结果放学回家，我对着正在叠衣服的妈妈张了张嘴，只说出来一个字：“谢……”妈妈问谢什么，我脸一热，说谢谢饭做好了。其实饭还没做呢。第一天，算没完成。
十一月四日，星期五，小雨。
今天我先观察。妈妈洗衣裳不用洗衣机，我的秋衣秋裤都手洗，她说机洗搓不干净领子。晚上我帮她晾衣服，递一件她挂一件。递到那条秋裤的时候，我看见她中指上贴着一小块胶布，昨天还没有。我问她的手，她说盆里的水凉，泡的。我把秋裤夹在夹子上，夹得特别正。今天我只说了半句：妈妈，谢谢你洗秋裤。后半句卡在喉咙里。老师说，谢谢要说完整。今天算完成一半。
十一月五日，星期六，晴。
今天机会来了。下午妈妈蹲在阳台上洗衣裳，搓我的校服裤子，膝盖底下垫着那个旧坐垫。我搬个小板凳坐到她旁边，看她搓。她奇怪我怎么了，也不说话，就看着她。她手上全是泡泡，指缝红红的。我深吸一口气，把整句说出来了：“妈妈，谢谢你给我们洗衣裳，辛苦了。”声音大得我自己都吓了一跳，隔壁阳台的王奶奶都听见了。妈妈愣了两秒，手里的刷子都掉了，然后一把把我搂过去，她的脸贴着我的心口，衣裳上有肥皂味。她说，我家闺女真的长大了。她的眼睛湿了，可是笑得可大了。
三天的作业，今天才算全做完。原来谢谢这句话，越小声越难说，大声说出来，反而一下子就好了。我在日记最后写：这项作业，我想一直做下去，不用老师布置。
Three Days of the Gratitude Homework
November 3rd, Thursday, cloudy turning to light rain.
Today our teacher gave a strange assignment: say thank you to Mom at home, do it three days in a row, and write each day into a diary. I grumbled to myself, what is hard about that. When I got home, I opened my mouth at Mother who was folding clothes, and only one word came out: thank. She asked thank you for what, and my face burned, so I said thanks for dinner. Dinner was not even started. Day one, call it unfinished.
November 4th, Friday, light rain.
Today I observed first. Mother washes clothes by hand, not in the machine. My long underwear is all scrubbed by hand, because she says the machine cannot get the collars clean. At night I helped her hang the laundry; I passed one piece, she hung one. When I handed over the long trousers, I saw a small bandage on her middle finger, which was not there yesterday. I asked about her hand. She said the water in the basin is cold. I clipped the trousers onto the hanger very straight. Today I only said half a sentence: Mom, thank you for washing my underwear. The second half stuck in my throat. The teacher says thank you must be said complete. Day two counts as half done.
November 5th, Saturday, sunny.
Today the chance came. In the afternoon Mother squatted on the balcony scrubbing my school trousers, an old cushion under her knees. I carried a small stool and sat beside her, watching her scrub. She wondered what was wrong with me but said nothing, just kept scrubbing. Her hands were full of foam, the skin between her fingers red. I took a deep breath and said the whole sentence out loud: Mom, thank you for washing clothes for us, you work so hard. My own voice startled me; Grandma Wang on the next balcony heard it too. Mother froze for two seconds, the brush fell from her hand, then she pulled me into a hug, her face against my chest, her clothes smelling of soap. She said our girl really grew up. Her eyes were wet, yet her smile was huge.
Three days of homework, and only today is it fully done. It turns out the quieter you say thank you, the harder it is; say it loud, and it comes out all at once. At the end of my diary I wrote: I want to keep doing this assignment forever, without the teacher assigning it.
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